Review: The Amazing Spider-Man [GAME]

Shaxster gives the new Amazing Spider Man a go. See what he thinks and if you should buy it.Read More

Is the Avatar Re-Release Worth Seeing?

Avatar - Now With More Hair-Porn!

James Cameron is already holding the top two spots in the largest selling movies of all time.  Avatar wears the crown with nearly $750 million and Titanic sinks just beneath at $600 million, but Cameron wants to make sure no one comes along to challenge him. This weekend, Cameron is re-releasing Avatar in 800+ 3D theaters throughout the country.

This isn’t just a simple replay though.  The new version of Avatar sports an extra 8-9 minutes to the already ridiculous two and a half hour running time.  Whether or not you plan on seeing this in theaters again depends on a lot of factors, but I’ve done some digging and have uncovered what you can expect to see from the added footage.  Spoiler Alert: none of it looks very interesting.

I will probably go see this with my daughter because we didn’t see it in 3D the first time around.  I don’t think it’s a good film, but I can’t deny that it’s gorgeous, and I feel like I’d be missing out to not see it in the theaters with those silly glasses on.  However, if I had already seen it in 3D I would have no desire to see it again.  It’s too long, too silly, and the promise of 9 more minutes of footage deemed too useless for the first release doesn’t sound very appetizing.  This is a James Cameron movie though, and he is well known for cutting great scenes out of his movies to accommodate film standards.  For instance, in Aliens he cut a scene showing how Ripley had lost a child, which is an important bit of backstory that helps explain the way she latches onto Newt when the child first appears.  So maybe Avatar will have similar scenes that they just couldn’t manage to pack into the first release’s 162 minutes.  Here’s what I’ve been able to find out about the new footage.

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DVD Review : I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

The movie poster is nearly identical to the book

I’m not well known for decorum.  One glance at the titles of the majority of the Talkingship shows and you’ll realize that my sense of humor stalled somewhere between 13 and my first beer (I have no idea when that was, but for the purpose of this joke we’ll say it was at 13 and a day.)  This no doubt plays a part in my appreciation of Tucker Max’s book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.  The question is, does the same hold true for the movie version of his raunchy book?

The simple answer is: No.

I loved the book.  Once I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down.  His exploits were beyond reproach and bordered on the wrong side of legality more often then not.  His writing is entertaining, his adventures are damn near unbelievable, and his misogyny is somehow … well, charming.  When reading the book you will quickly realize that Tucker Max is a deplorable piece of shit, but you just can’t stop laughing.  However, as soon as I heard this was going to be a movie, I knew it was doomed.  There’s no way you can bring a character like Tucker Max to life on screen without being forced to really face the gross nature of what this man represents.  He is the worst of what males have to offer.

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Bioshock PG-13

Ask most gamers what video game would make a great movie and you’ll get a pretty eclectic list.  Passions run hot about which game has the most interesting narative, but there is one game that seems to make it onto everyone’s list: Bioshock.

While The Little Mermaid has been the defacto “Under Da Sea” icon for over two decades, the director of the Pirates of the Carribean movies has decided to walk the plank and try his hand at film-making in the deep blue (or film PRODUCING anyhow.)  He has been a champion of turning the dark, ominous world of Bioshock into a major motion picture.  In fact, the movie is already slated for a 2013 release!  However, they’ve just hit their first major snag in production: The studios want it to be a PG-13 film.

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Thanksgiving Movie – For REAL!

Eli Roth directed and starred in the fake trailer for Thanksgiving and has recently revealed that this silly trailer is going to be his next project.Read More

Movie Review : Piranha 3D

Replace Teeth with Teets and the poster is still true

As a busy father of two young girls, I have very little time to go to the theater to see movies that aren’t filled with talking animals or wizards named Harry.  Most of my movie watching happens at home, in my recliner, on the big screen HDTV.  I’m normally content with this, but every so often a film comes out that I feel the need to see with a hundred other people in an uncomfortable seat after having spent too much money on candy that I didn’t even really want, all while sipping a titanic sized soda that will inevitably make me have to pee before the movie’s over.  Yay for theaters.  On August 20th, a film swam into theaters that seemed worth one of these rare excursions: Piranha 3D!

This is a B-Movie in every sense of the phrase, and the saving grace is that it knows it. The plot can be fully explained in a single, short sentence: Earthquake releases Mesolithic Piranha into a spring break lake.  Boom – there you have it.  You need to know nothing else, and every other plot detail you discover will only serve to bore you.  You won’t care about the characters or their arcs.  In fact,  your interest in the characters of Piranha 3D will be limited to only a question of their life span, which is exactly as it should be.  One of the biggest problems with the movie is that it tries to convince you the characters DO matter by spending an inordinate amount of time with them, but we’ll get into that more later.

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DVD Review: A Single Man

This was not what I was expecting, nor a movie I usually watch on my own, yet it was one of the most moving films I’ve seen all year.Read More

Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Epic Movie Poster!

Before you read any further, I feel you need to know that I waited for half an hour to get into a midnight showing of this movie. I’m a fan of the Scott Pilgrim comics and will be getting the video-game as soon as it releases on the Xbox Marketplace. That said, I’ll try to be as unbiased and straight with you as I can in this review………………………………….

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Star Wars Blu-Ray 2011

George Lucas announced, while being interviewed by Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, that they will be releasing all six Star Wars films on Blu-Ray next year.Read More

Review : The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Make this live action? What can miss?

I’m not sure what to think of Nicholas Cage. He’ll put out a fairly average family-adventure movie (National Treasure) that my wife and I can watch in the same room without groaning at the others choice.  Then he’ll crank out a few steaming piles of shit (Wicker Man, Bangkok Dangerous) that make me all but give up on him. Then when I’m not looking, he’ll drop a monster of a performance on me (Kick Ass) and make me worship him yet again. I swear I need Lithium when I go to his films because he causes me to act bipolar.

Thank you Jon Turteltaub for making me believe again. Thank you for bringing back a Nicholas that my wife and I can enjoy together. Thank you for taking a musical cartoon about a lazy mouse with a penchant for fucking with janitorial tools and crafting a movie that I would be willing to pay to see again.

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