Unibrow Farva

I’m an asshole. I don’t mean to be, and deep down inside I’m a pretty good guy, but on the surface I’m a real dick. I often times say things just because I think it’s funny. Every so often, I end up saying some pretty foul shit to someone who may not always deserve it. Here are a few of the gems that people have related back to me after I got drunk the last few times I went out.

 To the 45 year old lady who tried to prove she was sexy by kissing a 27 year old girl.

Me: “I swear that image almost drove me to suck a dick just to wipe it from my mind. Never, ever do that again!”

A conversation I had with a girl in a really crowded bar as she passed me by.

Me: “Holy Shit!! You’re beautiful.”

Her: “Really?? You should buy me a drink.”

Me: “ Whoa baby, you’re not buy-me-a-drink hot. You could be but your mascara is way too cheap. Go and borrow the expensive shit from your friend and come back and talk to me.”

Her: “That’s not very nice.”

Me: “Neither was you trying to be a seven when you’re clearly a five.”

To the 23 year old female bartender who works in a bar I go to all the time.

Her: “You missed my birthday yesterday. What’re you gonna get me to make it up?”

Me: “With your hair looking like that, a set of wrenches because you need to tighten up your game.”

To the girl who recently started dating a friend of mine.

Me: “I’m not gay, but he makes me wonder.  So if you fuck this up, know I’m waiting here to steal his ass away.”

These are just a few of the things I’ve been told I’ve said over the last week or so. Anyway, just thought you guys might like to know.

With love, Farva…