Stallone loves the kiddos
The first Expendables sucked. Sorry to be a downer, but I’d rather watch reels of hotel implosions than sit through Sylvester’s action opus again. However, it seems some folks liked that movie because of all the cool booms and stuff. They liked the violence, explosions, blood, and machismo so much that Sylvester Stone was able to make a sequel.
And that sequel will be PG-13.
WHAT?!?! Are you serious? The only possible enjoyment a human being could glean from the first movie was the violence. Why would you temper that in the sequel? Well, apparently it wasn’t the violence that was an issue, it was the cursing. That’s fucking stupid.
From what I’ve been able to dig up, the problems came from Chuck Norris’ involvement. They really wanted him in the movie, but he had an issue with the vulgarity in the script. He agreed to be in the movie only if they took the vulgarity out. Because, clearly, hearing the word, “Shit” is much worse on our collective psyche than seeing a person’s head explode. Thanks for saving our humanity, Chuck!
I didn’t hold out much hope for this movie as it was, but this strips away any interest I might of had completely. That might seem petty, but it’s true. I don’t think curse words make a movie better, but when your characters start to say things that don’t seem appropriate for the situation, it affects your connection with the film.
There’s a reason that premium cable shows are such higher quality than your standard television drama. When a movie or television series isn’t confined by any arbitrary ‘decency’ limits, the story is allowed to shine the way it was meant to. I know, I know, to quibble about the dramatic potency of an Expendables movie is ludicrous, but there’s something else you should consider: The violence will be affected as well.
The PG-13 rating has a very strictly enforced set of mysterious rules that the MPAA refuses to explain. From what I’ve been able to tell in my years of movie watching, certain curse words are never allowed, and others are given a certain number of times they can be said before a magic number is hit and makes it unacceptable. Violence works in a similar way, with certain acts being completely forbidden and others acting as a running tally that is cumulative with the cursing total. And finally, nudity is strongly frowned upon. A casual glance at a naked ass is tantamount to a beheading, and a naked breast… oh boy, you’re asking for trouble there! One visible nipple is enough to send the MPAA screaming from the room!
My point in all this is simple: The violence is going to be muted. The first Expendables was extremely violent, which we’ve established was the only thing going for it (you didn’t actually give a shit about that daughter and her evil father or Eric Roberts’ motives. Did you?) There’s no way that would have been turned into a PG-13 movie if all of the curse words had been replaced with, “Bunny Rabbits!”
Despite the fact that Sylvester has come out to say this movie is going to be just as action packed as the first one, despite the PG-13 rating, don’t believe it. Sure, there’s going to be a lot of action, but I’m sure they saved a shit load on their blood-squib pack budget! To me, this announcement puts The Expendables 2 into a miserable last place spot on my “To Watch” list. Seriously… I think Adam Sandler’s horrid Jack and Jill rates higher! *yikes*