As a few of you may know, E3 is coming up this summer. It is a place filled with wonder, enchantment and booth babes. This utopia, that exists on the cutting edge of all that is tech and nerdy, is a heavenly place that all should strive to attend. Sadly, I’ve never attended. I am, however, attempting to find the Golden Ticket to this yearly event by kissing up to Kmart. “Farva?” you ask in an inquisitive and kind of breathy whisper, “What does Kmart have to do with E3?” Well, besides being the best place to get your video games (as well as music, clothing, diapers, and pizza rolls), they are also the host of a gaming community that is second to few and fourth to none. They have offered for small time blogs (much like this one here) to write an article all about why they should take someone from the site to E3. Thusly, here is my formal request, in writing, to the KmartGamer selection team. 

First and foremost, I’m kind of fat. Not in the “buy a second seat to fly on Delta Airways” kind of fat, but chunky enough to not be all that attractive to the booth babes (or Costume Display Engineers if you prefer). Unlike other (more cardio-fit) bloggers, I will never fall for the illusion that she was indeed smiling at me. With that fact firmly etched into my brain, I approach each and every booth with a desire for knowledge and hands-on game time. Now I will admit, I took a picture with Chun-Li at last years PAX Prime, but give me a break…..IT WAS CHUN-LI.   

The second reason that I should be included on this adventure is that I am a reasonably smart individual. I’ve never accidently cut myself while making a sandwich, and I asked rather reasonable and intelligent questions when interviewing game personnel at PAX. For instance, my colleague and I found the game Bastion (a small DLC game expected to release later this summer) at PAX and, after interviewing its lead writer and developer, have tagged it for this Summers “Break Out DLC Hit”. Now, I know that this really doesn’t help my case all that much right now, but imagine how awesome it’ll look in about four months. You, through the transitive properties of nerdom, could look just as awesome as well. 

Thirdly, I can do a magic trick where it looks like I’ve managed to separate the thumb from my left hand and hold it in my right. Do not be afraid, it’s only an illusion and I’ve been able to reattach the thumb every time without the need for medical intervention. The fact is I’m a pretty good guy to be around. This trip to E3 will be a multiple day trip, and I’m sure there will be moments when you will have to spend time with the chosen bloggers away from the convention center. Asking well-researched questions and writing down the answers in an old-timey notebook can be done by anyone. It’s the moments away from the organized fuss that can make or break a trip. Now, I’m not one to brag, but I can sing a mean rendition of Fallout Boys “Dance, Dance” in any karaoke bar.

Finally, I just really want to go. I’ve been in love with gaming since I was ten and my father brought home my first NES. Five days later he challenged my brother and me to pin him in a wrestling match before bed. If we lost, bedtime. If we won, we could stay up and play all night. Six minutes into the wrestling match, we’d broken three of his ribs. This was the imbedded desire I discovered while trying to beat Super Spike Volleyball in “World Mode’. I’ve not stopped playing since. Over the last three years I’ve become an active member of the SarcasticGamer.com and Talkingship.com communities and came on board the Talkingship Flagship podcast to talk about games, movies,  and any other entertaining topic we can think of. I own all three major consoles and can also be found gaming on my Steam account. If I’m not playing the latest First Person Shooter or Third Person RPG, I can be found playing Call of Duty with friends on Xbox Live. I can also be found on Twitter (Where I heard about this oppurtunity) @FarvaTS.

I am a gamer through and through. I know it’s a long shot, but I’ve YouTube’d a 100 yard blind throwing knife for the final kill in a team deathmatch match in Modern Warfare 2. Sometime you’ve just got to put it out there.