The Doctor is an interesting guy. If you were his companion, you could travel through space and time with him, visiting an endless array of awesome worlds. But that has its downsides. Do you really think that being his ‘friend’ would be all good?  I would go so far as to say that it would be positively awful. Here’s why.

For a start, you would be in constant danger. Practically all the time. Every single adventure the Doctor goes on, someone always gets hurt, and the possibility of death forever lingers. Fighting the Silence? Fleeing Daleks? Exciting, sure, but it’s not exactly safe. Hell, you could even get transported to an alternate universe. Forever. Or get given permanent amnesia. I’m sure some of his friends never slept again after seeing the Weeping Angels. Being traumatised for life? Always on the brink of death? Does that sounds like fun to you?

Also, time-travelling PHYSICALLY ALTERS YOUR DNA. Your genetic makeup is changed by travelling with the Doctor. You have some whacked out immune system, and you can even become half time-lord, like River (don’t even get me started on how he’ll probably chat up your daughter, right in front of you, which is just creepy).That’s crazy. Do you want some freaky blue box changing what actually makes you who you are? Is that thing FDA approved? I very much doubt it.

Furthermore, you’re almost guaranteed to be drawn into one of the Doctor’s old grudge fights, be it with the Master, the Daleks, or the Cybermen. The Doctor is a manipulative person, you see. He will use you to fight his battles. Remember that video Davros played a couple seasons back? Yeah. Remember how nothing has changed since then? Yeah.

Yet another downside to travelling with the Doctor is that he has, in essence, multiple personality disorder. The guy you became friends with, and possibly even loved, suddenly transforms into a totally different person, with a new personality and appearance. That’s just downright strange. And what if you don’t like him anymore? You’re still stuck with him, in a blue box with no way out. For all you know, the new Doctor could be a pervert. Do you want that to happen to you? DO YOU!

And you can’t forget the fact that eventually, you’ll have to leave him. He never stays with his companions for more than 2 years. That’s just rude. Suddenly, he goes all emo and depressed, you realise you have to continue with your life, and just walk out. Not exactly a long term friendship. And he seems to forget about you awfully quickly. Within a few months he’ll have a hot new girl travelling with him: you’re replaced. And if you’re the new companion, it would be slightly strange when he suddenly starts  crying about his sort of girlfriend who’s trapped in another dimension. Dating, or even being friends with this guy can’t be good. He has too much…history.

Oh, and one last thing. You have to be a woman to journey with the Doctor. Or else you get sidelined massively. And being attractive is a bonus, of course. Shallow? Sexist? No thanks.

So, still want to be his companion? I’ve heard Amy’s on her way out…