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View Full Version : A bit of confusion. And, oh well, the story explains it better.


El Mariachi
03-28-2010, 10:47 PM
I truly don't know how to put this story right without putting names so I guess I will switch names and stuff to protect the safety of my friends.

Me and.. em ... Sandwich are best friends. We have been friends for a couple of years and it has been amazing.

Sandwich and I are catholic. The lazy kind. We go to church on sundays and pray here and then.

Sandwich goes thru a period of heartbreak, and then me and him have a long, long fight because of some issues that we thought were dust in the wind. We stop talking for more than 3 months.

In those 3 months, Sandwich, in his heartache, becomes christian. At first, he just goes to feel better, he gets to know people, and it is all cool.

In those 3 months, myself, decided to keep on going with life, and also, made up with my family. So the heartache kinda slowed there.

We decided to talk again, and at first it is cool. we hang out like old days. Then as days have been passing, all he just talks about is church, and all he does is go to church when he feels bad, tries to make me go to church.

The thing that made me get kinda mad (and make this thread) is that the day of my birthday he ditched me for his christian friends . He said he felt awful, blah, blah, blah and he had to go. We had shit planned and I felt trashed. (see Tweets from that day).

I dunno. It feels weird.

I understand, people change and there is nothing you can do. But really, I kinda feel replaced, and it sucks. He says we are still best friends and all that, but ... oh well, it feels I'm not making sense anymore.

Jitterbug
03-28-2010, 11:51 PM
I truly don't know how to put this story right without putting names so I guess I will switch names and stuff to protect the safety of my friends.

Me and.. em ... Sandwich are best friends. We have been friends for a couple of years and it has been amazing.

Sandwich and I are catholic. The lazy kind. We go to church on sundays and pray here and then.

Sandwich goes thru a period of heartbreak, and then me and him have a long, long fight because of some issues that we thought were dust in the wind. We stop talking for more than 3 months.

In those 3 months, Sandwich, in his heartache, becomes christian. At first, he just goes to feel better, he gets to know people, and it is all cool.

In those 3 months, myself, decided to keep on going with life, and also, made up with my family. So the heartache kinda slowed there.

We decided to talk again, and at first it is cool. we hang out like old days. Then as days have been passing, all he just talks about is church, and all he does is go to church when he feels bad, tries to make me go to church.

The thing that made me get kinda mad (and make this thread) is that the day of my birthday he ditched me for his christian friends . He said he felt awful, blah, blah, blah and he had to go. We had shit planned and I felt trashed. (see Tweets from that day).

I dunno. It feels weird.

I understand, people change and there is nothing you can do. But really, I kinda feel replaced, and it sucks. He says we are still best friends and all that, but ... oh well, it feels I'm not making sense anymore.

I think you nailed it in there when you said that 'people change.' Good friends can be hard to come by, but they're not impossible to find. And sometimes, a good friend might find a path in life that they really feel they need to take. Life will surprise you sometimes with the paths it lays out for you. It'll take you places you never expected to go, and it will take you away from friends you never thought you would leave. It doesn't mean you don't care for them, and the same goes the other way as well - when they leave, it doesn't mean they don't care for you, it just happens to be the path they're on.

I'm not religious, but I don't decry anyone for choosing to go that way. They know I'm not going with them on that particular journey, but that isn't important. What IS important is that they know I'll always be there when they need me. And life's paths have a funny way of intersecting down the road.

The thing to ask yourself is: Is he happy? If so, let it be. Then go find your own happiness, and everything will be good.

MrsChupacabra
03-29-2010, 03:08 AM
I happen to agree with Jitterbug here.

It's hard to let go of someone that you're close to, but at the same time sometimes you have to. People have to find themselves, and often that takes you down a different path. In the end though, Your paths will cross again. People change, people grow up, and sometimes people just need to figure out who they are. In the end, a true friend will always be there and accept you for who you are.

My advise is.... Don't shut out his new friends or his choices. Even if you're not into the whole religious thing. You can still go out with him and his Christian friends. You never know, you might dig 'em.

Ahh, I might sound all girly and cheesy but sometimes you have to think outside your box. You never know, you might have fun & make some new friends too.

Matt_the_Hed
03-29-2010, 08:19 AM
El,

Thanks so much for posting that. I appreciate your sincerity and the potentially productive nature of your post.

Personally I've experienced what you are talking about several times. Our choices do take us down different paths. Jitterbug and I at one point chose different paths over something other than religion and it created a divide between us, Nerves too. What we have that you don't right now is the benefit of time passing. When we were ready the things that divided us went away and we picked up right where we left off.

I've also experienced it in reverse where my personal beliefs were the reason someone I cared for deeply walked away from me. Their choices, while not in alignment with what I believed, were not a conflict for me. I could be their friend without needing them to conform to my beliefs, he on the other hand could not.

Your friend is exploring and experiencing a whole new aspect of who he is. This aspect comes with a whole new set of people and activities flooding into his life. Give him a little time to learn to balance the old and the new. But make sure you are open and honest with him so he has the opportunity to achieve that balance.

Farva
03-29-2010, 02:22 PM
Hey Buddy,
I'm sorry to hear about this alteration in your friendship. I know you're a fairly young guy, but I feel I have to warn you. This will happen again. When I was in the army, I made brothers for life. I literally put my life on the line for them, and they did the same to me. We knew when we got home safe, we would always be brothers. Sadly, that was almost five years ago and I'm only in regular touch with one guy who lives in Phoenix.

Things changed, life happened. Some of us got married or had kids. Others got divorced or moved away. There is definatly a sense of loss whenever I think about it. I've seen most of the guys at one time or another since then. We catch up, share memories and try to have a laugh, but we leave expectations at the door. Life will have changed us both.

Be it religeon, relationships, or just distance and time, we will evolve into something new. Remember the good times with him, and accept him for who he is now. If you work to help the friendship evolve with you both, you'll never lose that best friend for life.

daCooksta
03-30-2010, 09:31 AM
Hey man, sucks what's going on.

Like the others have said before, people change over time, and that causes developments in friendships. However, in reading it, while his friends are all from church and the division seems to be focused on his church activity, I don't think that it's Christianity or his church's fault for the division (not to suggest you're blaming God, Christians, or anything for it, but it's worth noting). It seems as though he just hangs out with different people now in addition to you.

Perhaps you should give his church friends a shot? No harm could come from it, and if you like them, then you've got a bunch of new people to hang out with. Seems like a Neutral/Win situation.

Natural Eraser
03-30-2010, 06:40 PM
Hey dude.
I had a similar experience a couple of years ago. A good friend of mine got into some rough shit and became christian, Iīm an atheist so he tried to turn me. I had a long talk with him, telling him that if God is real, he must be loving and caring. If he is then what does it matter to him if you worship him, if you are good then you get to heaven, if your a Muslim or Christian. I donīt know if your religion will contradict with that statement, but my friend seemed to understand and we are still good friends. I hope everything work out for you. PS: Thatīs some wise words Farva.

El Mariachi
03-30-2010, 07:37 PM
To everyone.
Thanks so much for the advice.

Yesterday I talked with... what was the fake name? Oh yeah. Sandwich.

We simply evaluatd the situation. Church was something that simply filled the void in his life. But it wasn't something that would replace me (which at times I thought it was). We honestly have a lot of love and appreciation for each other (as gay as it sounds) to loose a great friendship. So we simply established a line of respect that if the religious talk would get too big we would stop it. And that none of us would go to each other's faith.

And then we went to taco bell to have caramel apple empanadas.

daCooksta
03-30-2010, 09:46 PM
And then we went to taco bell to have caramel apple empanadas.

winner.

Matt_the_Hed
04-05-2010, 07:24 AM
I'm thankful that you guys were able to talk without too much time getting between you two.

usairlinesletter
07-12-2011, 12:01 AM
Great conversation. i hope thread will be somewhat like this so that comprehension can easily be attained.